Just so's you know: this blog has moved. I like Blogstream, but Blogspot's more popular, and I'm a slave to public opinion.

http://vilemonotony.blogspot.com/

For all your Vile, Monotonous needs.

Love,
DJ

Well, yesterday I promised you some info about The Scale. Avi K bought The Scale and brought It into our apartment. Avi is, unlike everyone else in this fat nation, trying to gain weight. It's an affront to nature! So he got The Scale to measure his progress. And It just sits in the bathroom, laughing at me; giggling quietly to Itself because It knows that I'm eventually going to give in and step on It. And then It tells me how fat I am and starts spitting insults at me. Sometimes I can hear It trading jokes with It's partner-in-crime, The Refrigerator. Anyway, The Scale is driving me and Beta to madness, but Avi refuses to get rid of It.

Last weekend I dressed up as a giant basketball player and went to Williamsburg, BK to party around and get completely trashed (WHOOOO!). It was fun, but I stayed out too late, and I still feel kind of wonky. I guess that's the price you pay for having fun. I mean, there's no way to have fun without getting f-ed up, right? I got home at about 5:30, which was really 6:30, because the time got adjusted back an hour. I finally fell asleep at about 6:15, but I thought it was 7:15 since my clock hadn't yet been adjusted.

So, I was quite fragile on Sunday, and I retreated from my apartment to the safe, quiet comfort of Pepe's and watching the Giants' game on low volume. Eventually, Dede came over and we all headed out to see The Prestige. It was not very good, but it was mildly enjoyable, which was all I really wanted. Something non-threatening. By the time we got out, I was tired, but significantly less hung-over. That pretty much covers the weekend: get crazy for 9 hours one night, and then spend the next 12 hours recovering.

Rules of the Game is playing at Film Forum this week and I think I want to go. Who's in?

Love,
DJ

Last night I woke up at about 6:30 to my room suddenly being hotter than the very sun that gave us life. I kicked off my sheets and just lay there for a little while, unable to move because of the impenetrable wall of dry heat. Finally, I crawled to my radiator so that I could twist it off, but I couldn't read which way opened it and which way closed it. Not wanting to turn the heat up further, I stumbled to my light, tripping over a suitcase in the process, and turned it on. Then I tripped over the exact same suitcase again (it had moved) and turned the radiator off. I turned off the light and went back to lying on top of my bed. It was still so hot I finally had to turn my air conditioner on full blast. I fell back to sleep at 8:30.

Avi K woke me up at around 11:30 with a very light knock that confused me for a minute. When I figured out that it must not be a dream, I moaned, "Hello?" and he told me that a guy was there to fix the wet spot on his floor (bedwetter!) and was going to fix my electrical problem as well (I also have a bedwetting problem).

Anyway, it was not a very good night's sleep, but I did manage to have one dream: a dream about not sleeping. I couldn't fall asleep so I kept grabbing these really long syringes from my bedside table and stabbing myself in the neck with them, because they were supposed to help me fall asleep. Eventually, my neck came off. I'm still not sure how, but it was very painful in the dream. I think I may have died, not that Avi would care. Also, The Scale was mocking me the whole time. For whatever reason, this dream seriously disturbed me.

Avi and I ran some errands today, and I paid my bills, so I got some important stuff done, but lately I've been feeling depressed and unaccomplished. . . . I hope my dad finally got me a referral for a new shrink. I am a MESS! Literally.

Love,
DJ

P.S. The Scale is haunting me. More about Him tomorrow.

So, I've been playing these Game Show Network Interactive games, which is where you play the game that you're watching on your computer at the same time. $100,000 Pyramid is pretty fun, as is Lingo. The best one so far is Jeopardy. Here's the thing: if you have one of the top-ten scores, then they display it during the commercial break! I have yet to break in, but I got closest with Jeopardy. I totally would've done it if not for betting it all on the Daily Double and losing. All because of Avi K, by the way. He said John Adams. The correct answer was John Hancock. Think of the glory I would've had if he didn't screw the whole thing up! Brief Cable TV Glory! Probably the best kind of glory I'm ever gonna get. One of these days.

I think the pigeons have been reading this blog, because they didn't show up this morning. They're running scared. They should be scared; if they ever come back, I'm going to rape and kill their families, personally. I hate the pigeons.

Last night I saw a Steppenwolf play, Sunset Limited, for free with my friend J Kraussmont. It was clearly a very good play, or at least very interesting, dealing with Nihilism and Christian proselytism and Existentialism and suicide and all that crazy stuff. The problem is, the actors clearly didn't know their lines that well. It was the third preview performance, so I guess they've got some time. Not much, though. If I were in charge, I would rape and kill their families--just to light a fire under their asses, y'know?

Well, the weekend approaches. Halloween weekend. It better be fun.

--DJ Dickmutt

So I'm supposed to have finished Jane Austen's Mansfield Park by Saturday afternoon. I like it a lot, the problem is, I keep getting distracted by other entertaining things, like comic books, TV, video games, and the Internet. It's like I'm back in school. My procrastination problem rears its ugly head yet again.

GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS!
Good News: The pigeons didn't wake me up with their damnable cooing.
Bad News: The pigeons made some new screeching noise that sounded like they were laughing at me.

So, I found this website, which lists different ways to get rid of pigeons. The one I was most excited about was the shock treatment, but they advertise that it doesn't hurt the pigeons. Obviously, I want to hurt the pigeons! I hate those fuckers. Anyway, I may get one of those sonic bird-chasers. That would get rid of all the pigeons in a certain radius. Teach those jerks to laugh at me! HAHAHA!

Halloween's coming up, and I don't have a costume. I was going to go to a tanning salon with BP Sozmutt, and we were both going to be super-tanned people for Halloween. But it turns out you have to do that at least a month in advance. So now I have nothing. And he's going to be Purple Hulk. Also, Halloween is one of two holidays (the other being New Year's) that has the greatest potential to be disappointing. There's just so much hype! And that's the scariest part of Halloween, as far as I'm concerned.

For some annoying reason, Blogstream won't let me list links outside of Blogstream under my "Blogs I Like" section. So I'd like to take this opportunity to list some good other blogs you should read.

• Beta Fippel's Pooping At Work -- an excellent, if terrifying, look at the life of a young event planner.

• Craitzy's Adventures -- an excellent, if terrifying, look at the life of a young medical market researcher

• Avi K's Blog -- he doesn't update very often, but I thought I'd give him a little mention here.

• Writing the Musical -- Skin Deep the Musical . . . some day.

Now, go and read, my loyal fanbase! GO!